tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51143628580637326302024-02-19T18:36:52.373-05:00mellographylife events.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-41113938268762318542011-10-14T02:19:00.000-04:002011-10-14T02:19:23.779-04:00Tumblr has taken over...<br />
I've decided what want to do with my life. Become a photographer.<br />
I had considered it before but didn't really think it through. today, a few hours ago, I researched, read, thought about the things I needed to do in order for me to get into the program.<br />
There's so much shit to do...but so little time! the portfolio deadline is february but the outside photography course starts in january. I need to take a portfolio class (I think it's better to), buy a DSLR, new laptop, apply to OCAD and before the portfolio and applying to university I need to take some photographs...the last time I took photography worthy photographs was in high school. that's a long ass time ago. I need to start thinking about my long term life LOL<br />
Wish me luck..I'm gonna need itMelissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-70493725439459779532011-08-01T01:05:00.000-04:002011-08-01T01:05:16.969-04:00frustration<div>anger</div><div>miscommunication</div><div>confusion</div><div><br />
</div><div>just everything's annoying, and i feel hatred towards it.</div><div>when i was younger i didn't know why i felt like this</div><div>but now after having continuous fights and disagreements with my family</div><div>i get it.</div><div>it's not just them, there's a problem with me as well.</div><div>we always have this 'fake family image' of being all happy and a loving family.</div><div>now, they were all lies from the beginning. </div><div>i was little, so didn't understand and i wasn't old enough to experience the shit i have been through to deal with the messed up problems in this house.</div><div>we all had this mask on. it wasn't just me.</div><div>this thing was there the entire time. this feeling of disgust, hate, anger.</div><div>when i was smaller, i thought it was just me. </div><div>i thought i was just the one in this perfect family that was fucked up since i was 'different' </div><div>i'm not smart, outstanding, or anything they thought i'd be.</div><div>but neither am i a pathetic, retarded, and incomprehensible person. </div><div>the shit they tell me, the crap they put into my mouth</div><div>like right now i'm really really really just frustrated and all i can do is blog.</div><div>fuck</div><div>my </div><div>life</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-2522783081690975792011-06-19T01:26:00.000-04:002011-06-19T01:26:08.902-04:00Wordless Apologies<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Tension fills the room and <b>black clouds </b>linger by the ceiling fan. Dinner was late, bills piled up, nobody called home.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">now you're steaming in front of the TV while they're crying softly in the bedroom upstairs. The stalemate burns quietly until they some down, enter the room slowly, grab your shirt sleeves, and look right at you with a pair of warm, moist eyes while starting to give you a soft, smiling apology.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">But you see them coming and your stomach churns with a <b>wave of regret</b>, so before they even get it out, you interrupt with a head shake and a hug.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">AWESOME!"</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-34869493510539628842011-06-14T00:31:00.000-04:002011-06-14T00:31:25.892-04:00choice?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'm just wondering..don't i have a choice to choose my future?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">still today, i have no idea what i want to do. i haven't applied to any college/university.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i can choose when i want to go..right? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's MY future. MY life. MY deicision.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so why can't people just let me be?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">why can't people wait?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">yes, i get that they're worried about me but what's their business with my issues?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">NOTHING.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">thank you for being concerned but stop asking me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">this is really frustating because they have no idea how all this shit in my brain is all jumbled up and i'm trying to sort them out, but these people are making it even worse by keep asking me the same goddamn question.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">when i know where i want to go, what i want to do, i'll tell you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so please just let me be.</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-66461597484510926152011-06-10T13:48:00.000-04:002011-06-10T13:48:43.497-04:00The Book Of AWESOME (by: Neil Pasricha)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><u>The sound of rain from inside the tent</u></span><div><br />
</div><div> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Okay, straight up: You know those <b>big kettle drums </b>you see in the symphony? The ones being pounded with padded drumming sticks by a <b>bald guy in a tuxedo</b>? Well, the sound of rain from inside the tend is like living in a kettle drum.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Now, let's be honest. The best thing about the sound of rain from inside the tent is that it means <b>you're inside the tent</b>, not outside in a wet T-shirt on your mud-splattered hands and knees, trying to hammer some plastic stakes into the mushy ground. Yes, putting up a tent in the rain is pretty high up there in <i>The Book Of Annoying</i>, a nonexistent netherlist that also features: Walking into spiderwebs, When you realize you're out of deodorant as you're putting it on, <b>When someone says the punch line to the joke you're telling</b>, and Forgetting your umbrella at the restaurant.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> The sound of rain from inside the tent feels safe, secure, and comforting. After all, you're out in the elements, safe from the elements. You'll get the <b>marshmallow roasting sticks</b> later, you'll build a fire tomorrow, but for now it's time to lie on the <b>bumpy sleeping bag</b>, put your hands behind your head, and just enjoy the noise.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> AWESOME!</span></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-35421594992085424962011-05-27T01:44:00.000-04:002011-05-27T01:44:18.288-04:00fate<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i was talking to my friend on messenger and we came across talking about regrets.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'm learning to let go, to stop regretting and being so hard on myself.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's always painful to forget something or someone that was so important to you.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but one by one it starts to ease and you'll be over it in no time.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">my friend told me to think of it in this way.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">if things were supposed to happen, then it would have.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">like fate.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">in his example, it was something like this.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">seeing friends in the bus or in the mall. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">choices that he's made that ended up in "oh what the fuck, i didn't expect that."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's fate. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">these things are to help us in our tough times.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">when we are going through our struggles.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">something that will get us back on track. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">something that will put us at ease.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't know if i believe in fate.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't know if i believe in anything.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but as far as i'm concerned, i have friends to help me.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">with different friends with different point of views, it helps me get through each day.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">one friend said that they're not sure if they believe in fate.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's all luck based.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">another friend said that they don't believe in fate.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">by taking the definition in the dictionary she has explained to me that everything isn't predetermined unless it's related to some kind of religion. everything changes all the time and it's the choices that people make that will change their lives. nothing is predetermined other than the fact that the physical body will start decaying and die one day. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't know what fate is.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'm not sure if i will ever believe in it.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's just one of those things (:</span></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-6187056996085188352011-05-24T05:22:00.000-04:002011-05-24T05:22:13.374-04:00blast from the past<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i had a conversation with a friend of mine.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">it was about all the things we did together last year.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">all the shit we've been through.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">the laughs, cries, screams, everything. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">this time it was different.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i didn't regret anything.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i wished that we could go back, to do the same mistakes or the right choices.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">but i didn't regret doing something wrong. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">my friend and i had a lot to talk about.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">it felt like such a long time since i've talked to him.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">he's right there for me, all the time (i think? haha). </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i've never really thought about that. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">we miss what we did together and with our friends.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">at school, at a party, just chatting on facebook even.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">we were just looking back. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">we've both moved on, but not fully.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">we do miss those days, and hope to go back.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">but we never regret. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">just keep looking forward.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #e69138; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">hopefully we make more memories we'll remember in the future.</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-69223773846533782212011-05-24T05:15:00.000-04:002011-05-24T05:15:36.149-04:00crush<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">someone told me a while ago that liking someone just as a crush is better than being in a relationship with them.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so i dared to ask them why.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">they simply replied...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"because if you have a crush on them, it makes your heart pound like crazy, gives you butterflies in your stomach, and it just makes you happy."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">when i heard that at first, i thought 'is this person stupid?' </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i mean being in a relationship is obviously way better than just liking someone one-sided. they treat you right, they love you, care for you, do everything for you. right? RIGHT? no. not always.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">from where i stand at the moment. it is better to just have a crush.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">even though he might not know how you're feeling towards him. it's the feeling you get when you see him, when you're near him, when you hear him. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's just everything about him makes you happy.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">that's how i feel.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3;">my girl friends make me smile, laugh like never before and be happy. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so does he, but in a different way and a lot more from him.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't think it'll work out if we were ever in a relationship and i like it this way.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">he probably doesn't know and he probably has some other girl.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but the fact that he makes me smile like the happiest girl in the world, the fact that he makes me laugh really loud, the fact that he just makes me happy for who i am.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">just talking to him puts a smile on my face. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's hard to describe exactly what i'm feeling. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">all i can say is</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's just a crush (:</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-82291271132723622042011-05-16T11:30:00.000-04:002011-05-16T11:30:39.753-04:00epiphanynothing much these days, just working and chillin with my girlfriends. <br />
helping my parents a lot at home now. <br />
barely going out at night.<br />
watched Thor with a few friends last friday after work. awesome movie!<br />
still havent watched Fast Five. i must watch it soon.<br />
got a friend of mine at my workplace.<br />
there's really nothing interesting around me. <br />
i kind of miss all the fun i had during winter...<br />
but i have to stop thinking about it.<br />
i've done a good job not regretting what i did. <br />
what i did about a week ago. i dont regret that at all. <br />
he hasn't replied so fuck it. <br />
where's the epiphany i learnt last week monday.<br />
i always waste my time thinking about him, how to make him happy, how i can help him out, things i needed to do to get his attention. it was all a waste of time. i was just giving good shit to him. jackets, clothes, food, he borrowed money from me, transit fares...like what in the world is wrong with me?!?!? really am i that stupid? <br />
i was but not anymore. i'm not going to waste my time worrying about him when i have way better things to do. <br />
the more i think about it, he's been nothing but a really bad influence on me. <br />
we would bun up, munh on food, be lazy and do nothing!<br />
now i work more, exercise, not spend my money on weed, and my family and friends like me better this way.<br />
all you got to know is that i'm happy.<br />
i'm happy and doing very well, perfectly fine without him.<br />
i cannot believe i just found this out a week ago, when i should have known this months ago. <br />
i'm fairly disappointed in myself but at least i know know it now.<br />
better than finding it out a year later right?<br />
i'm proud of myself, the fact that i don't have him to embarrass me.<br />
he's not going to pull me down anymore. <br />
he is done and completelyout of my life for good. <br />
i think i've learnt a very important life lesson because of him.<br />
so i thank you for that and i hope you have a good life knowing that for all the shit you've done, i'll be happier without you. <br />
know this too, there are other people who don't like you and they call themselves your friends. not my problem but i just wanted to say that you were one of them.Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-23860406055010870362011-05-07T14:03:00.000-04:002011-05-07T14:03:41.152-04:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">sometimes i feel like i'm the only one left.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i'm the only one feeling so dead.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">feel like i'm all alone.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">but i know my friends are there for me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i know that they still care. i know they still love me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">it's just me.</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-72810825963291493042011-05-07T04:10:00.000-04:002011-05-07T04:10:06.470-04:00weird<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i feel like today's a <u>weird</u> day...i asked my ex why he cheated on me. he was high. (no shit) but not super high. high enough. it was weird. i told him he knew it was coming someday. he asked why now. i told him because i have the guts to ask. before i didn't. i'm really curious. i really want to know. i thought he's going to use his high as an excuse. and i was right. he did. he told me that he would text me or something when he sobers up. i said no. i want to know now. and because there's a party the next day and i know that he was going to get <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">CRUNK</span>. (most likely just high the fuck out of his mind). right now i bet that he's thinking wtf is wrong with this bitch. why is she acting like this. what's wrong with her. blah blah blah talking shit about me. whatever. he said one thing. just <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">ONE</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">THING</span> that made him cheat on me. i knew it was going to be <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">THAT</span> because he told me before. but i never knew that people were talking about. people as in his friends and my friends. i really didn't think that he'd believe in them since i was his girlfriend. (but as always i was wrong, i guess friends do come first for him) before when we were going out. i asked him what was bothering him. i literally had to <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">FORCE</span> him to talk to me about how he felt. it's weird. he tells me to tell him everything that's on my mind. and i did. but he didn't tell me anything that was on his mind. i thought that that was a little <u>odd</u>. but that was the past. this is now. so i asked him if that was all but i knew there was more. i knew i ruined his high so he was probably thinking somewhat straight forward. then he just stood there not saying anything. i told him that i would stand there until he told me. <b>nothing</b>. i wait. <b>nothing</b>. i said that he was hopeless and just walked away. i text him when i got home (maybe that wasn't such a good idea..but oh well i already did). i said that i'd wait for him to tell me since he said that he would when he sobers up. i also said that he probably wouldn't talk to me<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> EVER</span> again (true...) so if it's better then text me about it. (but really i highly doubt that he will) i think what he will do is get high the fuck out of his mind tonight at the party and try to forget about it. never think about it again. never talk to me again. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">THE END</span>. of our friendship. my friend told me that we would be friends again. but it might take a long time. (even longer than what it took before, a few good months). right now, after 2 hours of that shot conversation i'm thinking. i just lost another good friend of mine. but it had to come out some day right? i mean i couldn't ask before because i was a fucking pussy but now it's different. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I'M DIFFERENT</span>. i can't just hold it in any longer. we were still talking, we were still close friends after the break up. but i knew, we knew, that this day would come. it happened. all we gotta do is <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">WAIT</span>. well that's what i'm going to be doing. i'm not sure about him. today's a <u>weird</u> day. it's one of those days that i'll remember. it's one of those days i'll constantly think of and tell my friends i forgot about it. it's one of those days that i'll regret. not this time. i will <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">NOT BE REGRETTING</span> what i did because what i did a few hours ago, i should have done a while ago. when we started as friends again. a few good months ago. but what can i do now. nothing. all i have to do is wait. i'm impatient. very impatient but waiting is all i can do at this time. hopefully it doesn't turn out like my other ruined friendships. i'm hoping something good happens. if anything <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">GOOD</span> can happen.</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-35210503701715099232011-05-06T21:30:00.000-04:002011-05-06T21:30:39.036-04:00stupefiedso my dad picked me up from work with my mom.<div>something's different. the mood was different.</div><div>i said "hi appa!"</div><div>no response. as he drives he starts tearing.</div><div>he's trying to say something but he starts crying.</div><div>i'm shocked.</div><div>i have never seen my dad cry. NEVER.</div><div>i'm speechless. it's personal issues but i'm blogging it...</div><div>my grandparents got a divorce when i was a baby. </div><div>before i came to canada they were done and over with.</div><div>then all of a sudden, one day a call from australia. </div><div>it's my uncle and he says to my grandma that his father's dead.</div><div>a call came from the police to my aunt in korea. </div><div>they said that her father died.</div><div>they don't know when or how.</div><div>he just died.</div><div>i really thought that my dad wouldn't care.</div><div>well maybe a little since it's his biological dad but i mean he hasn't seen him for such a long time i really didn't know that it would be so hard on him.</div><div>then i come to think that maybe he did care. it was his dad after all.</div><div>as soon as my dad tells us i text my sister.</div><div>she called me right away.</div><div>she asks what happened, how did they find out, when did it happen etc.</div><div>"i don't know" is all i said. we actually don't.</div><div>so here we are feeling depressed. </div><div>a few moments ago it was all happy joy joy for me.</div><div>now i don't know what to feel.</div><div>i feel upset that my dad's crying and he lost his dad.</div><div>i feel upset seeing my dad in this state. and really it's not the best time. (more personal issues that i will not go into detail)</div><div>i have plans for tomorrow to chill with friends. i don't think i should go...i think it's best for me to stay with my family and just try to comfort my dad.</div><div>but how? </div><div>this is new to me. i didn't have to deal with a dead family member before. </div><div>well i did but not someone this close. not that my grandpa was close to me at all but he's still a part of the family, somewhat.</div><div>i have a responsibility as a daughter but what do i do...?</div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-33926785559333128652011-05-05T02:17:00.000-04:002011-05-05T02:17:04.323-04:00sometimes<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, FreeSerif, serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 40px;">“Sometimes, there are things in our life that aren’t meant to stay. Sometimes, change may not be what we want. Sometimes, change is exactly what we need. And sometimes, saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you’ll ever have to do, but sometimes, saying hello again is the thing that breaks you down and makes you more vulnerable than you ever thought possible. Sometimes, change is too much to bear. but most of the time, change is the only thing saving your life.”</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-48958602437682522252011-04-20T03:29:00.000-04:002011-04-20T03:29:51.949-04:00empty<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">thoughtless</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">emotionless</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">feeling of nothing.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">emptiness</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">GAHHHHHHHH </span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-63607642794937053622011-04-01T01:58:00.001-04:002011-04-01T01:59:23.426-04:00Officially Done<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so this is how it feels.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i actually feel really <b>GREAT</b>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i may not sound like it via blogging but i do (:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i thought i was over before, but i wasn't.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but<b> NOW</b> i know that i am.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's different from what i felt before.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's something i've never felt.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it feels pretty <b>GOOD</b>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i went to visit my high school a few days ago and i met a friend of mine.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">we were (i guess you can say) really close.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">shit happened and i left school so we got distant.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but when we were taking a 'walk' outside the school, we had a nice conversation (i think?).</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">she asked me if i was still into the guy.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i said no. then it just hit me. i actually don't. <b>AT ALL</b>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">then she goes on saying "yeah, please don't fall for him again. i really don't want to see you guys together again. like ever."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so i said "no way. never again."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">(finally realizing that i won't)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">a few days before going to my high school. my best friend had a huge fight with her boy friend.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">they've been together for a little over 2 years and they were on the verge of breaking up.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">(they were on and off so i thought it was just one of those. but it wasn't)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">she got hurt. emotionally and physically. which made me mad.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">believe me, if you heard all the shit she's been through, you'd want to damage her boy friend so much that <b>he'd suffer taking each breath</b>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">this was a lot worse and more serious than ever before.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">she said that she wanted to work things out.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">that's what she always says. she looks at the bright side.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">she told her other friend to do the same.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">talk to her boy friend, talk it out and get to a solution.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">that's what she told me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">she said "i know you still care for him, it's the same as i feel towards my boy friend. i love him but i hate him. love-hate relationship. talk to him about the stuff you're feeling but i'm just telling you to be careful. set boundaries and be bitchy"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and that is exactly what i did (and still somewhat doing)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">time does heal.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it took me a while.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">made a few mistakes that were worth a million truths.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but i got here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i do regret. i always regret.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but I'M DONE.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">no more of those crappy "oh i think i still love you." "take me back." "i remember when...blahblah"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">nothing but pure joy of forgetting that douchebag.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i still care for him but not as much.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i really don't care what he does. it's his fucking life.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">in my opinion, no offence dude but you're fucked up.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'm saying this really nicely.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i realized that i was a fucking retard and pathetic before.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but you know what.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">you're even worse.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so here i say the proud words that i actually mean to say.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i am so over you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>FINALLY</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">fucking shit</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">p.s. not a april fools jokes bitch</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-38840270447740491052011-03-28T13:58:00.005-04:002011-03-28T13:58:52.344-04:00blemMelissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-36820442458003831572011-03-02T02:15:00.000-05:002011-03-02T02:15:55.084-05:00life<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i look at myself in the mirror and think of all the things i went through.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">all the things that i went through to get where i am right now.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i start to remember all the things i've given up to be here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">all the things i've dealt with and gotten here.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">remembering old times.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">things i regret.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">things i want to forget.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">look at where i am right now.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">would this all have changed?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">if i chose to stay in school,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">if i chose to go to college,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">if i chose to have some kind of future for myself?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it seems like i've always had the choice to choose.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">one or the other.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and i've always chose the wrong one.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">or at least not the best choice.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i think there's more that i regret than not regretting.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">people say just move on and don't look back.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but i can't help it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i can't help it thinking what might have happened if i chose the other.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what if i chose something new instead of going for the old.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what if i chose to do something different instead of keeping it safe and stay with no changes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what if i chose you instead of him.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what if....?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">time goes on.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">later on i'll look back at what i'm doing right now.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'll probably regret about it, but i'll move on.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">everyone moves on at some point.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i still feel like i'm stuck in the past. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i need to move on.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">changes, something different, something new.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">something that i've never felt or seen or dealt with before.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i think that's how i'll be able to move on from the past.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">something that'll get me out from this.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">to tell you the truth</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i regret not going for him.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i regret telling him lies and how i treated him.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i regret the things i've said.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i regret for being scared.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">for not taking chances.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">now it's too late.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i had a chance but i gave it up to be with the old.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">he moved on. they all moved on.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">one day.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">there will be a day.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the day when i'll tell everything that happened to me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the time, day, month.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">everything about me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">wait for it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it'll be a reminder for me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i never want to forget.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #93c47d; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">never.</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-11552730904868263982011-02-23T01:07:00.002-05:002011-02-23T01:08:18.937-05:00one of "those" thoughts<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'm </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">(fucking)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">lost...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">my l</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">ife, at the moment, feels like <u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">CRAP</span></u></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't go to school. i don't do anything but work, sleep and eat.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i feel like i'm a slob and just wasting my life and time.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i get to compare myself to other people my age.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">they have all their shit figured out and what in the world am <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I</span></b> doing.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'm stuck in this deep, dark hole with no way to escape.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">that is unless i dig it out myself and find a way up.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">THAT'S</span></u> what i need to do but right now, but, like i said...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'm so fucking lost.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">everything i do seems to just <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b>DRAG ME DOWN</b></span>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">is it because i'm confused? or is it just because i can't think straight.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i feel different. i mean it's good to be different right? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><u>NOT</u></span> in <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><u>THIS</u></span> kind of way...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i mean who is it to tell me to do what to do right?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i can do whatever i want right?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but what if i don't know what i want to do?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what if i don't know what i want from my life?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what if i just don't know....about everything</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">fml</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-10975145559817971322011-02-14T00:13:00.000-05:002011-02-14T00:13:49.777-05:00v-day<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">happy valentine's day</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #a64d79; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">i feel so lonely...</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-53915267445960734702011-02-12T06:21:00.000-05:002011-02-12T06:21:33.407-05:00Questions<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">questions.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">we have numerous amount of questions but a limited amount of answers. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">(well at least that's how it feels like)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">can all the questions be answered?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the thought of having a question but not being able to get an answer.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it feels like as if you're waiting for something, but you don't know what it is. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">you feel insecure so you start to question even more.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">when does this end? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">when the answer is told.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">valentine's day's coming soon.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't really care about it since i have no one to spend it with.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">(pretty depressing isn't it?)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't really mind having no one. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it'll be nice if i did but i don't and i'm fine with it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but i will admit i do get jealous at the site of couples on that day.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">valentine's day.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">who made that day anyways?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what is valentine's day?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's about love. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">that's all that i know of.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">something that everyone wants to feel.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">love.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the big L word.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">some people are afraid to use that word.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">they think it's too serious.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">they think it's just a joke.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">they use it to call their friends.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">family. wife. husband. boyfriend. girlfriend.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">there was a time when someone told me that they loved me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and to tell the truth, i don't know what that means.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what does it mean when you say you love someone?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">that you'll risk everything for that one person?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">that you'll give up anything just to be with that person?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what is the definition of love?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">if i go on the street and ask people what love means,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'll probably get different answers. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so there is no real definition of love.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">you can't really explain what it is.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's an emotion, an expression.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's something really hard to describe.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's easy to fall for but difficult to get out from it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it has to be carefully dealt with.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">people fall in love all the time.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and it's always painful to...how do you say it...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">get out? break free? break up?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the pain that anyone can feel when there is no love.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">how does that pain go away?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">how can it heal?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">will it ever go away?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">or will i always have this wound...</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-28608774004264578672011-02-04T01:04:00.000-05:002011-02-04T01:04:14.378-05:00finally<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">happy birthday to me (:</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">nothing can ruin today </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-size: large;">because i'm finally</span> <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75; font-size: x-large;"><u>LEGAL</u></span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtzrFm1rmamy4u10wv5JHBcufft8KO9GZIQGnUHuuEd37T_cPQdte_HJz-iBLdMSAsI9c8RjSDORlhTV9nkvy3CuXDeRaF4Ocg5IYaXyKxCnDtkxEYZu_RVdohk-duG4X3fehDPtphco7y/s1600/happy+birthday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtzrFm1rmamy4u10wv5JHBcufft8KO9GZIQGnUHuuEd37T_cPQdte_HJz-iBLdMSAsI9c8RjSDORlhTV9nkvy3CuXDeRaF4Ocg5IYaXyKxCnDtkxEYZu_RVdohk-duG4X3fehDPtphco7y/s320/happy+birthday.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-28654081102047181152011-01-07T00:38:00.002-05:002011-01-07T00:38:49.067-05:00where to?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i'm going no where</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-50529489002459871622010-12-25T18:41:00.001-05:002010-12-25T18:41:10.859-05:00suffocationi feel like whenever i try to do something, i can't. i know what's blocking me. my parents. they will NEVER leave me alone. i feel trapped and i'm suffocating by just being with them. i just want to leave. i don't want them in my business. i can make my own fucking decisions. i'll learn from my mistakes. so leave me alone for fuck's sakeMelissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-70964674794901111662010-12-18T02:22:00.000-05:002010-12-18T02:22:23.783-05:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">blahblahblahblahblah</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">that's all i hear</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">from everyone</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">from everything</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't give a damn</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5114362858063732630.post-51926929105373112172010-12-13T23:46:00.000-05:002010-12-13T23:46:56.054-05:00almost<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">it's december and it'll be the beginning of a new year in a few weeks.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">first christmas then new years.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">end of something old and start of something new.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">we don't know what's ahead of us,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">but that's life isn't it?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the adventure of figuring out what's ahead of us.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">waiting to face everything coming our way.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">making choices.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">finding out reasons.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">same things over and over as each year passes by.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">people make new years resolutions.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">how many people really stick to it?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">what happens after you reach it?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the sense of achievement, success and what?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">all for what? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">to just feel good about yourself?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">to prove to yourself that you can do what you want?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't really get it...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">once in a while i stumble onto a movie that catches my attention.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">during the summer it was "The Ultimate Gift"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">nothing after that. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">watching that movie taught me a lot of things about life.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">about everything really and it's gonna change me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">take in that movie and change my life.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i've been in this mood lately.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">to change everything about me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">put everything in the past. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i don't want to remember them. ever.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">so new years.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">2011</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">bring it. i'll be ready.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">new me. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">good bye old me.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">i hope to never see you again</span>Melissahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04000006500197029654noreply@blogger.com0