Tumblr has taken over...
I've decided what want to do with my life. Become a photographer.
I had considered it before but didn't really think it through. today, a few hours ago, I researched, read, thought about the things I needed to do in order for me to get into the program.
There's so much shit to do...but so little time! the portfolio deadline is february but the outside photography course starts in january. I need to take a portfolio class (I think it's better to), buy a DSLR, new laptop, apply to OCAD and before the portfolio and applying to university I need to take some photographs...the last time I took photography worthy photographs was in high school. that's a long ass time ago. I need to start thinking about my long term life LOL
Wish me luck..I'm gonna need it

frustration

anger

miscommunication

confusion

just everything's annoying, and i feel hatred towards it.

when i was younger i didn't know why i felt like this

but now after having continuous fights and disagreements with my family

i get it.

it's not just them, there's a problem with me as well.

we always have this 'fake family image' of being all happy and a loving family.

now, they were all lies from the beginning. 

i was little, so didn't understand and i wasn't old enough to experience the shit i have been through to deal with the messed up problems in this house.

we all had this mask on. it wasn't just me.

this thing was there the entire time. this feeling of disgust, hate, anger.

when i was smaller, i thought it was just me. 

i thought i was just the one in this perfect family that was fucked up since i was 'different' 

i'm not smart, outstanding, or anything they thought i'd be.

but neither am i a pathetic, retarded, and incomprehensible person. 

the shit they tell me, the crap they put into my mouth

like right now i'm really really really just frustrated and all i can do is blog.

fuck

my 

life

Wordless Apologies

"Tension fills the room and black clouds linger by the ceiling fan. Dinner was late, bills piled up, nobody called home.
now you're steaming in front of the TV while they're crying softly in the bedroom upstairs. The stalemate burns quietly until they some down, enter the room slowly, grab your shirt sleeves, and look right at you with a pair of warm, moist eyes while starting to give you a soft, smiling apology.
But you  see them coming and your stomach churns with a wave of regret, so before they even get it out, you interrupt with a head shake and a hug.
AWESOME!"