mellography

being committed to something

being able to give things up for something.

not everyone is able to do that.

guess i'm one of them.

when i start something, i don't get to see the end.

i quit, give up.

i can't give up what i have just to do something.

i have difficulty moving on.

i try new things.

if i like it then i'll continue.

but never see the end.

it gets tiring, annoying, boring.

it's just not what i want it to be.

when i first met you i was glad.

finally someone i've never met, someone new.

but i should have thought more.

now i regret.

things were getting better.

you seemed to solve all problems.

you were there when i needed help.

though, it was a short amount of time.

i was warned not once, not twice but a hell of times.

should have listened.

now this is the result.

of my ignorance and stupidity.

we're both gonna get hurt.

i'm gonna hate myself for this.

you're gonna hate me for this.

but i can't keep doing this.

i can't keep hurting people i care for.

i can't keep hating myself for what i've done.

i know you cared for me.

i know you were committed.

i know you were willing to give things up for me.

but i can't accept it.

it's too much.

i can't give back what you have given to me.

i'm not committed.

and i definitely can't give things up for anything or anyone.

at least not yet.

i'm sorry for all the mess that i've done.

for all the time you've spent.

for all the care that you've wasted.

i don't want this right now.

i don't need time.

i know what i want.

you don't want a person like me.

it's a waste.

you've wasted enough of what you have.

this is what i should have done.

told you that you're my friend.

nothing more, nothing less.

a friend.

i'm sorry if i've hurt you.

i didn't want to do this, but it's just not right.

hope you understand.