blem

life

i look at myself in the mirror and think of all the things i went through.
all the things that i went through to get where i am right now.
i start to remember all the things i've given up to be here.
all the things i've dealt with and gotten here.
remembering old times.
things i regret.
things i want to forget.


look at where i am right now.
would this all have changed?
if i chose to stay in school,
if i chose to go to college,
if i chose to have some kind of future for myself?
it seems like i've always had the choice to choose.
one or the other.
and i've always chose the wrong one.
or at least not the best choice.


i think there's more that i regret than not regretting.
people say just move on and don't look back.
but i can't help it.
i can't help it thinking what might have happened if i chose the other.
what if i chose something new instead of going for the old.
what if i chose to do something different instead of keeping it safe and stay with no changes.
what if i chose you instead of him.
what if....?


time goes on.
later on i'll look back at what i'm doing right now.
i'll probably regret about it, but i'll move on.
everyone moves on at some point.
i still feel like i'm stuck in the past. 
i need to move on.
changes, something different, something new.
something that i've never felt or seen or dealt with before.
i think that's how i'll be able to move on from the past.
something that'll get me out from this.


to tell you the truth
i regret not going for him.
i regret telling him lies and how i treated him.
i regret the things i've said.
i regret for being scared.
for not taking chances.
now it's too late.
i had a chance but i gave it up to be with the old.
he moved on. they all moved on.


one day.
there will be a day.
the day when i'll tell everything that happened to me.
the time, day, month.
everything about me.
wait for it.
it'll be a reminder for me.
i never want to forget.
never.