mellography

frustration

anger

miscommunication

confusion

just everything's annoying, and i feel hatred towards it.

when i was younger i didn't know why i felt like this

but now after having continuous fights and disagreements with my family

i get it.

it's not just them, there's a problem with me as well.

we always have this 'fake family image' of being all happy and a loving family.

now, they were all lies from the beginning. 

i was little, so didn't understand and i wasn't old enough to experience the shit i have been through to deal with the messed up problems in this house.

we all had this mask on. it wasn't just me.

this thing was there the entire time. this feeling of disgust, hate, anger.

when i was smaller, i thought it was just me. 

i thought i was just the one in this perfect family that was fucked up since i was 'different' 

i'm not smart, outstanding, or anything they thought i'd be.

but neither am i a pathetic, retarded, and incomprehensible person. 

the shit they tell me, the crap they put into my mouth

like right now i'm really really really just frustrated and all i can do is blog.

fuck

my 

life