what it feels

i always seem to expect things
i would expect him to know what i'm feeling
expect him to understand whatever he needs to
expect him to know everything


but the thing is 
he doesn't
he can't
unless i tell him


then there's the problem
since i expect it from him
i don't do anything


if i don't do anything
he doesn't do anything
he doesn't know what to do


then my expectation's gone
i get annoyed, pissed, depressed but mostly disappointed
i expect too much
when i shouldn't be expecting anything at all


it's just really annoying 
how i always think like that
i got into a habit 
i try to not to think like that


but like any kind of habit 
it's hard to change


it's just...
i feel like i'm the one causing all these problems
i'm the one that doesn't find a solution
and avoids the problem
then i think the best solution 
just ignore it and act like nothing happened


move on 
don't tell him anything 
no one's getting hurt
there's no arguments, fights or anything


but knowing that i'm gonna get hurt
all the time
knowing that i'll have to just give up
it's just not right


so i try to speak
but nothing comes out from my mouth
he asks if everything's okay
i say yes and give him short replies
he knows if there's something wrong 
i don't know if there's something bothering him


that's how clueless i am
but all the time i expect him to know 
what's bothering me
while i don't even know 
if he's okay


just want him to know that i'm trying
i'm probably not doing a really good job
but i am trying to change


just hope it's not too late 
♥k.d.y